Overwhlemed Newlywed

Dear DW,

I’m newly married to a youth pastor.  He is a wonderful man and I am madly in love with him.  I’m just not so sure that I’m madly in love with being a pastor’s wife.  I want to support him, but this is not exactly what I had in mind when I dreamed about our future together.  I’m finding myself frustrated all the time- frustrated with teenagers, frustrated with church people, frustrated with our finances, and frustrated with our lack of time together.  When I said “I do”, I didn’t sign up for this. 

Help!

I’m Overwhelmed

Louisiana

Dear Overwhelmed,

I don’t really want to say this but the reality of your situation is that when you said “I do”, you did sign up for this kind of life.  Church people, teenagers, and financial struggles all come along with the “married-to-a-youth pastor” package.  However, while you do have to live with the lifestyle, you don’t have to live with the frustration.

 Some tips that might help:

 1)Set your boundaries. As a newlywed, this is a great time in your life to establish some strong boundaries between your personal life and the youth ministry.  My guess from your letter is that your personal life and your public life have been blending together.   Spend some time with your husband talking about how you are going to define your family life and how much of your private time you are going to share with ministry.   Regularly schedule time that is “ministry free”.  Yes, actually put it on his schedule.  If you don’t, someone else will fill that time for him.

 2)Find a mentor.  This does not necessarily have to be another pastor’s wife.  Choose someone who lives a very busy lifestyle and successfully maintains a close loving relationship with her husband.  Get to know her and search for the tools that make her marriage work.

3)Live on love! I Peter 4:8 says “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins.”  This not only goes for you and your husband, but for church people, too.  Focusing on the “why” behind your sacrifice of time, money, and privacy will go a long way to helping you deal with the daily frustrations of ministry life.  Ask God to help you love these people the way that He loves them despite their faults.

With love,

DW~