Pastor Unappreciation Month

Dear DW,

It’s Pastor Appreciation month.   This is the month that I always feel least appreciated.  Our church takes up a Love Offering for the pastors on the last Sunday of this month.  The Love Offering is promoted as being “split among the pastors”.

  In the last five years, the Love Offering has been split 70-30 between the Senior Pastor and the Associate Pastor.  (Besides my husband, we have two other pastors on staff.)  All five pastors, secretaries, and janitors are given a $25 restaurant gift certificate with their paychecks.  

I’m not resentful that the Pastor and Associate get the offering.  They work very hard and deserve all of the appreciation they get.  But it does feel like a slight that the other three pastors are given the same gift as the support staff.   I also struggle to respond to congregation members who assume that our family received the Love Offering.  I’m not sure what to say to them. 

 I feel guilty and ungrateful for even writing this all down-

 Mrs. Unappreciated

 

Dear Mrs. Unappreciated, 

Please don’t feel guilty!  If you didn’t tell me, who would you tell? 🙂   It’s ok to have feelings of under appreciation for the sacrifices your family is making to be in ministry.  The problem comes when we dwell in these moments and allow ourselves to set up a root of bitterness in our lives.  We have to keep grounded in the fact that everything we do as ministry families is an act of service to God.  God knows we are not in it for the money and gift cards!!

 Focus on those people who DO appreciate your ministry.  The ones who are excited that they had the opportunity to give to the Love Offering.  If it’s the thought that counts, they COUNT!  Graciously accept their encouragement and don’t dwell on the fact that the money never made it to your family.   

 And give credit where credit is due… don’t attribute the slight to your congregation, but to the leadership who made the decision to distribute the gifts in that manner.  My preference is to assume that they are ignorant of how this action makes you feel.  And even if they do know how it makes you feel, there’s nothing productive that you can do with that information.  This just leads me back to the fact that they are ignorant…

Guard your heart.  This is a tricky, slippery slope and all roads lead to bitterness.  Remember, your real rewards will come much later and God has not forgotten your service:

  “Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance. It is the Lord Christ whom you serve.”     Colossians 3:23-24

Love~

DW                                                                                                                  

 

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Big Mouth Spouse

Dear DW,

 I am a very opinionated person and I’m not afraid to speak my mind.  Can someone be too mouthy to be a pastor’s spouse?

 Big Mouth

Jackson, MS

 

 Dear Big Mouth,

Good News-there’s no mold; God calls all kinds of people to be pastor’s spouses…even the mouthy ones!  I don’t think that you have to go through a personality lobotomy to be a ministry spouse.  God uses all that we are for His glory.

However, having said that, I do think that it is important for ministry spouses to consider that they have a much bigger influence and responsibility than the normal person in church.  As a ministry spouse, your opinions not only represent you but can be mistakenly assumed to be the opinions of your spouse, your spouse’s ministry, and/or the whole church staff! 

Consider your audience when you give your opinion.  Is this something that might influence their spiritual life negatively if I say it?  “Conduct yourselves with wisdom toward outsiders, making the most of the opportunity.  Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person.” Colossians 4:5-6 

Use your mouthiness as a vehicle of grace.  It’s an honor and a trust for God to give ministry spouses such a big of a sphere of influence.  Be who you are.  God chose YOU for this role, not some mousy, shy, fading flower.  Trust that He knows what He’s doing. 

Love,

 DW~