Kid Min H8tr

Dear DW- 

I have a problem.  It seems like every time I turn around, someone is asking me to volunteer in the church nursery or the children’s ministry.  I’ve even been told by some church people that it’s my “duty” to volunteer since I have children.  Oh yeah, and did I mention that my husband is the Families Pastor at church?  My issue is that I don’t particularly like babies and kids!  Now don’t get me wrong, I love my OWN kids, I just don’t particularly care to play with or care for other people’s children.  I don’t think I’m good at it.  And DW, I have tried!  The last Parents Night Out my husband planned, I was there, doing my “duty”.  I came home exhausted, resentful, and feeling guilty that I hated it so much.  What am I going to do?!  I feel torn that I don’t want to participate in this aspect of my husband’s ministry at all.  And I know that there are expectations from church people that I should be involved.  My husband said that I could bail on him if I want to.  He knows that the Children’s ministry is not my thing.  But, I want to be supportive of him and I also know our church- if I’m not there, he will hear about it.  So for now, I’m off to the nursery to rock some babies because the regular volunteer is sick.  Help me, please! 

Kid Min H8tr

 

Dear Kid Min H8tr- 

Listen to me closely…You have permission to quit!  Get out now.  For the good of everyone, bail on your husband!  Would you want a volunteer like you ministering to your children?  Would you put them with someone who really doesn’t want to be there but who continues to show up out of obligation?  Of course not!  God doesn’t want that kind of service from you.  He’s looking for wholehearted commitment.  You need to be real with yourself about what kind of ministry God has created you to do because this is obviously not it.  If it was, you would have joy and peace when you serve, not resentfulness and guilt.   

 Support your husband in other ways than “direct care” with the children.  What gifts and skills do you have that would benefit the church and particularly your husband’s ministry that do not require you to be “hands on” with children?  This would be a much better way to support your husband than begrudgingly volunteering in the Children’s ministry.   Being a ministry spouse doesn’t mean allowing other people to dictate HOW you are going to serve God.  That’s still uniquely between you and the Lord.  You and your husband need to set some boundaries with the church and within your family about how you are going to serve in ministry.  The church will define your place of service unless you define it for them first (as you have already discovered).  You and your husband need to make a clear stand for what you are and are not going to do in the church. 

Look, there’s no shame in knowing what you’re good at and living in that sweet spot and there shouldn’t be any shame in knowing what you’re bad at and avoiding it.  There will be people who do not understand.  But ultimately, the only person you have to please is God.  And how can you do that when you’re miserably stuck on diaper duty!

Love~

DW

 

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