Little Debbie Guilt

Dear DW,  

I need to confess.  Sometimes, when we are really busy at church, I feed my kids dinner from the vending machine.  There it is…I’m a bad mom!  I feel so guilty, but I don’t know what else to do.  At least they are getting fed, right?

 Little Debbie

 

Dear Little Debbie,

 Before I start, I have to admit, my kids have gotten a few Star Crunch dinners in their lifetime too!  I don’t think that makes you a bad mom, but I do think it makes you a busy one.   The best way to combat those busy times in your life is planning, planning, planning!

 Generally, most of us know when the busy seasons at church are going to happen.  As you see the busy times approaching, make plans to take care of the kids first.  Whether that’s finding babysitters, planning convenience meals, or asking someone to bring food to the church, it’s important to make sure that your kids are not the last thing on your TO DO list.  This planning is less about having a candy bar for dinner and more about what you are communicating to your kids when you don’t plan for their basic needs in your busy day.  No matter how important ministry is in the lives of those you will touch through your church service, there are no people on this earth that you will influence more than your own children.  Pre-planning elevates their status to “more-important-than-church”.  Ministry kids are usually pretty flexible.  Most understand a chaotic lifestyle and are willing to sacrifice and eat chips and honey buns for dinner occasionally!  The problem comes in when we consistently make them second place to decorating for the church social or running copies for VBS.  Force yourself to become organized.  Bow out of things that other people in the church can do.  Focus yourself on the most important relationships in your life.  

 Plan to make your kids the number one priority over church duties and vending machine dinners won’t be a source of guilt.  Those moments will become a treat and a memory-maker.

 Love,

DW

 

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Could it be the Fumes?

Dear DW-

 I am writing to you with bleach-cracked hands and the smell of toilet cleaner in my nose.  Our church janitor was fired recently and the leadership committee decided that it would be a GREAT idea for everyone to pitch in and take a shift to clean the bathrooms after each service.  Of course, I signed up to take a shift because EVERYONE was going to help out and clean.  Well, guess what?  Two months later and I am the only one still showing up to clean.  I am trying to have a good attitude about this and be a humble servant but I can honestly say that my sacrifice is not wholehearted before the Lord.  In fact, I’m sick of it!  I don’t know how I get into these situations.  It seems like I am always getting roped into volunteering for something I don’t really want to do because I am a pastor’s spouse and I need to lead by example.  How do I get out of this habit?

 Chained to the Bathroom

 

Dear Chained to the Bathroom, 

What makes you think that it’s a great example for you to be cleaning all of the toilets in the church by yourself?  Is it the fumes?!  Get out of the bathroom and maybe you will have a better perspective! It sounds to me like you are letting your congregation take advantage of your willingness to serve and sacrifice.  Even Jesus said that there is a point to shake the dust off your feet and move on.  In this case it’s time to throw down the toilet brush! 

 Seriously, the church will ask you to do as much as you let them.  This volunteering habit of yours will keep you smelling like scrubbing bubbles unless you learn a beautiful two-letter word- “NO”.  You will never be able serve wholeheartedly when you are volunteering out of an obligation “to be an example”.  You need to start focusing on what God is prompting you to do rather than on what the leadership committee deems is best for you to do.  Plus, as long as YOU will do this kind of stuff, no one else in the church is going to step up to do it.  The church won’t ever need to hire a custodian because you will be filling that role for them. 

 A part of leading by example is joyfully operating right in the center of God’s will.  Hosea 6:6 says “I want you to show love, not offer sacrifices.  I want you to know me more than I want burnt offerings.”  Saying “NO” to things that are not God’s will for you is a way for you to show love to your congregation.  If you are serving with a sense of resentment, you are serving in the wrong place.  You will never be the godly example you desire for your congregation until you do them the honor of serving them wholehearted in the center of God’s will.  Anything else and you are doing a disservice to them, yourself, and God.

 And I promise you, those toilets will smell much fresher when someone who is called to do it is cleaning them!

 Love,

DW