Disillusioned with Ministry

Dear DW, 

What do you do when it seems like no one is responding to your ministry?  How do you keep going when the sacrifice doesn’t seem worth it?  It’s hard for me to watch my spouse struggle day in and day out when it all seems futile.  These people are never going to change. 

Disillusioned in Denver

 

Dear Disillusioned- 

When you come to this point in ministry, it’s time to reconnect with “why” you began this journey in the first place.  I know you have a few mountains around your area.  Escape to one and have some serious alone time with God.  Ask Him to remind you why this is worth it.  Ask Him to show you His view of your sacrifices.  Ask Him to help you remember those that may have been touched by your ministry.   

When I think back over some of the most difficult ministry situations we have faced, it’s always that one person who “got it” that made all the sacrifice worth it.  I’m heartbroken for the hundreds that missed what God had for them, but I recognize that this path is narrow and Jesus said that most people will choose the easier way.  We serve and sacrifice for the few who will respond. 

 Some suggested questions for your escape time with God:

• Is my discouragement about this church or is it about our calling to ministry?
• Have I been serving in my own strength instead of God’s strength?
• Is our ministry coming to a close at this church?
• If I never see another life changed, is it enough that I was obedient to God’s call?
• What can I do to encourage my spouse?  How can I make our home a place of respite and peace from the struggle of ministry? 

“I will lift up my eyes to the mountains; From where shall my help come?  My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.  He will not allow your foot to slip; He who keeps you will not slumber.”  Psalm 121:1-3 

Love,

DW

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Where’s Daddy?

Dear DW, 

I have three children under the age of six.  My husband is a youth pastor at a relatively large church.  As I’m sure you can imagine, there are a lot of demands on his time.  Our children are now getting old enough that they are noticing how often their Dad is gone.  How do I explain to them why Daddy is frequently not with us without making them resent the church?

 Sincerely,  

Patty and the Preschoolers

 

Dear Patty and the Preschoolers, 

You have asked an excellent question and have tapped into fears that I have carried with me since the day I said “I do” to my husband.  We have all heard the urban legends of PK’s gone wild because they resented the time their parents spent at church.  I’m still working this one out myself, but I’ll tell you a few things that I keep as driving principles when explaining ministry sacrifice to my children: 

1.    Your children will reflect back what you project to them.  Those little faces have a way of being the perfect mirror of everything we say and do.  If we as spouses are resentful of the time Dad spends at church, our children will be too.  Ask these questions of yourself:  Do you see time spent at church as valuable, worthy, and meaningful to God’s kingdom work?  Is it for an eternal purpose?  Is it worthy of sacrifice?  If you can say “yes” to these questions, you should have no problem explaining why Dad is not home.  He’s a HERO helping a desperate world know Jesus!  But if you are having trouble seeing how the annual Whipped Cream Fight has significance in God’s work, you have some talking to do with your husband before you can explain anything to your children. (see post 8/29/11, Alone Again)

2.    We are all called to ministry.  Whether we are at the church with Dad or not, we are a part of what Dad is doing.  One of the ways that we serve and worship Jesus is by giving up some of the time that we could spend with Dad so that he can minister to other people.  Include them in the work of Dad’s ministry in age appropriate ways so that they understand that they are a part of what Dad is doing.  Whether that is drawing pictures for a teenager in the hospital, helping clean up after an event, or praying while Dad is in a counseling appointment, they need to see that they contribute to the ministry as well.

3.    Never take their sacrifice for granted.  Now that your children are becoming aware of their own sacrifice for ministry, it’s definitely time for them to experience the same appreciation that any ministry volunteer might expect.  Frequently tell them “Thank you” for their patience with Dad’s absence.  Have Dad (and the student ministry) write them notes of encouragement and appreciation when he’s gone.  And never underestimate the power of a “treat” when Daddy finally comes home.  Let them know that without their sacrifice and support, Dad could never serve Jesus in the way that he does. 

Finally, I want to caution you that there’s a warning signal in the words, “Where’s Daddy?”  Just like those little birds that miners used to take down into the mines with them as an alert to when the air was getting dangerous, out of the mouths of babes comes the reality that our home life is getting out of balance.   Heed their warning signals as if your family was running out of air.

I hope this gives you a good start Patty. 

Love~

DW

 

Please feel free to give Patty and the Preschoolers additional advice in the “comments” section below!