Locked Up Tight

Dear DW,

I had an interesting talk with the Senior Pastor’s wife at my church the other day.  She told me that she NEVER opens her home up to people because she wants to keep it as the one place in her family’s life where they have peace.  I hadn’t thought about it before our conversation, but she doesn’t have parties or people over to her house at all.  Our socializing is at coffee shops and restaurants.  Do you think a pastor’s house should be open or closed?

Locked Up Tight in Louisiana

Dear Locked Up Tight,

I think there is value in both trains of thought on this topic.  On the one hand, I understand the need to have one “safe” place in your family’s life where you can hide away from the pressures and eyeballs of those who keep us in a constant ministry spotlight.  On the other hand, when we keep our lives behind closed doors, we deprive a desperate world of the opportunity to know how a godly family can thrive in stress and struggle.

Personally, I lean towards a more relational style in my household.  It’s in our family’s DNA to be open with all of who we are including keeping our door open to every stray person that wants to stop by and talk.  We like it that way and are willing to sacrifice routine and peace to accept people into our home, however, this style of ministry can easily get out of control.  When I start to see my kids wincing as I throw an extra roast in my grocery cart, I know that we are in the red zone on the open door policy. 

On the other hand, your pastor’s wife is wise to protect her home and declare it a place of peace.  Boundaries are good.  In ministry, we have a tendency to forget that it is ok to take a Sabbath and limit access to ourselves.  Jesus disappeared frequently to be by himself.  He didn’t keep himself in the middle of the crowds at all times and neither should we.  There’s balance in making sure that your family has a place of solitude. 

There’s no denying that it’s biblical for pastor’s spouses to be hospitable.  I Timothy 3 and Titus 1 make hospitality a ministry requirement for pastors.  The New Testament is wrought with scripture encouraging Christians to be welcoming in their homes.  How and when you exercise that hospitality needs to be a family discussion.  A parade of people in and out of your home may not be for you.  Either way, it’s important to define how your home will run or others will define it for you.

I’ll leave you with this thought: Never underestimate the rejuvenating power of sitting around in your underwear all day.

Love,

DW~

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