Don’t Touch the Bump!
Dear DW,
I’m pregnant and I’m married to a minister. I am very uncomfortable with all the attention that I am getting. I don’t want people touching me. It’s not ok. But for some reason, EVERYONE wants to pat my belly and talk about my body! What happened to decorum and privacy? Did I lose that when my husband started receiving a paycheck from the church?
Help!
Barbara Baby Bump
Dear Barbara Baby Bump,
What I want to say to you is “Absolutely Not! The church didn’t purchase your privacy when your husband accepted the position.” It is true. But if I am going to be completely honest with you, I have to say that ministry does require the loss of some privacy to be effective. These people are doing life with you. They are excited about the things that are happening in your life. And they are looking to your family as an example of how to navigate their own lives.
By virtue of your husband’s position, you have become somewhat of a “local celebrity”- whether you wanted to or not. Your congregation will want to participate in what is happening with you. And, because a twitter feed is probably not the best way to update them on your progress, they are going to be in your personal business!
However, this doesn’t mean that you can’t tell the “paparazzi” what their boundaries are. You can control whether or not you are touched and politely ignore questions about what kind of delivery you are going to have. It’s ok to tell them what makes you feel uncomfortable.
But do expect for this behavior to continue. People are excited and sometimes it’s difficult for them discern where your line is. Since hiring bodyguards probably isn’t the best option, be patient with them. Most of this behavior is sincerely out of concern and love for you and your family.
Love,
DW~
Posted on October 4, 2013, in Church People and tagged Baby, Church, Help!, Marriage, Ministry, Pastor, people, Pregnant, role, Spouse. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.
Glass House Spouse 
You’ll get used to carrying a strategic book for a few more months. I think it’s well intentioned but I suspect getting people’s brains to kick in (i.e. the book or other sharp implements so they finally say… whoa I shouldn’t do that) will be a necessary adjustment short term.
I wonder if the cute factor overshadows the ones who want to touch the tummy’s brain power. (they lose the power to intelligently think for that split second)
Sharp objects… notebooks, knitting needles, razor wire.
i.e. not appropriate, so help them with “good decision making”