I am a youth pastor’s wife who loves to serve in the student ministry with my husband! For years, I’ve gone on all of the trips and have been a partner in every aspect of the student ministry. Recently, I gave birth to my second child and I am finding it more and more difficult to be a big part of what is happening at church. How do I manage two kids while being heavily involved in the student ministry?
Dear Baby Blues,
A wise woman once said to me that our lives are marked by seasons. It may be time to admit that this season of your life demands some lifestyle changes. Does that mean that you can no longer be a part of the student ministry? No way! But it may mean that the role you play in the course of the ministry will have to change for a period of time. This may be hard for you since you have been so immersed in serving “hands on” in the youth ministry. Think creatively about your new role. Pre-kids, you could go to the church building, go on trips, and go to events. Post-kids, instead of “go”-ing, you may need to have the events come to you. Get creative in the way you personally interact with teenagers. Some ideas for ministry that you can do with children in tow:
Host a small group in your home
Invite a few teenagers to help you with the kids
Become the taxi service for the ministry
Run errands for the upcoming youth events and ask some teenagers to come with you to pick up the items
If you are still feeling distant from the ministry, pick one major overnight event each year that you will attend and have someone else watch the children. Remember, the biggest impact and ministry you and your husband will ever have is on your own children. Your church teenagers need to see a successful, loving Christian family as a part of their discipleship process. This will require temporary sacrifice on your part that is well worth the time away from the ministry. You may find out that this season will teach you and your husband how to maximize your ministry time and give you ideas for student ministry that you would never have considered pre-kids. Before you know it, your kids will be older and you will be trying to figure out how to manage your own teenagers in your youth ministry!
My wife is the children’s minister at a large church. Lately, her administrative pastor has been riding her hard about her budget. When I see him in the hallway at church, I want to punch him in the head! Does he even know how much time my wife spends at the church working? When you have a hundred extra kids come to an event, you are going to go over budget. I told her to quit because she doesn’t need this kind of hassle and disrespect for the little bit she is paid. But she won’t do it. She loves the kids too much. How do I deal with this man and keep my Christianity?
Wound Up Tight
Dear Wound Up Tight,
I highly recommend that you count to 10 and keep your hands tightly clasped around your Bible when passing the administrative pastor in the hallway! Look, it’s natural for you to want to protect your wife. Some would say that it’s your responsibility as her husband. But think about this for a minute, if your wife had a job in a secular office, would you storm the doors and protect her honor with the staff accountant? Probably not. Church ministries are personal, and the lines between work and home are easily blurred. Just like in a secular job, it’s important that your wife take responsibility for her own ministry. The way that you can support her best is by making your home and marriage a peaceful haven from the stressors of her ministry. Validate that what she is doing is meaningful in the “eternal”. Pray for and with your wife about how to face this challenge with her supervisor. With prayer and communication, you both will be in unity about when it is truly time for her move on from this current ministry. In the meantime, get a punching bag, avoid the main hallway, bathe in prayer and ask God to change your heart and attitude about this pastor. Who knows? He may be living in the same pressure cooker that your wife is in. There’s no one better to pray for him than someone who knows what it’s like to live in a glass house.