I am very new to ministry. It’s only been about 4 months since my spouse joined the church staff. We are very excited to be here! But, I have to admit that I am already feeling some differences between what it was like to be a regular church member and what it is like to be married to a staff member. What is your best advice for a new ministry spouse?
Newbie wants to Know
Hmmmm…my best advice: Don’t panic, hold on tight, and enjoy the ride!
Ministry is difficult. Even the best churches have their share of behind the scenes disunity, politics, and posturing. When you read books like Corinthians, Ephesians, and Galatians, you realize that none of these issues are new. The church is made up of people and people are inherently flawed. What you will see and experience has happened to the saints before you. You are not alone in your struggle no matter what happens.
Hold on tight–
It’s important to nurture relationships. Avoid isolation like the plague. Your ministry, sanity, and marriage depend on it. It’s easy to draw inward when difficulties come your way, but the best medicine for combating isolation is to reach out to others. Some ways to hold on tight:
- Immerse yourself in the Bible. Find a Bible study group to join in addition to your personal Bible study.
- Ask your best/lifelong friends to pray for you and then, stay in touch. –
- Reach out to new friends at church and try your best to befriend the staff and spouses. Be the inviter, don’t wait for an invitation.
- Find mentors (they don’t have to know they are your mentor) and learn from their experience. Your mentors should be people who have character traits you want to emulate. It’s not a requirement for them to be in ministry.
- Engage with those who can relate to your experience as a ministry spouse through conferences and denominational events. Seek out pastoral staff/spouses from other churches in your community and search for online support groups.
Enjoy the ride–
No matter where this adventure takes you, know that there is always a reward. Nothing that God ordains is futility. We are sometimes privileged to see the results of our sacrifice, but other times we are not. Many Bible verses point to this truth, but one that I have been meditating on lately is Hebrews 10:35-36, “So do not throw away this confident trust in the Lord. Remember the great reward it brings you! Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God’s will. Then you will receive all that he has promised.” (NLV) It’s a joy to be chosen to participate in God’s plan for His church. Don’t let hardships blind you to the joy of the journey.
Hope this helps as you continue to follow God in excitement with your spouse!
I am writing you as I sit among a mountain of boxes in my living room. I feel like just when things start to get comfortable and familiar, we move. Is there ever stability in ministry life?
You know you have moved a lot when the people around you start commenting that you pack so well you could be a professional mover! Personally, I relate to that scene in The Incredibles where the wife has just unpacked the last box in her house after three years and Mr. Incredible is calling to let her know that it’s time to move.
I’ve known many pastors’ families who have served their churches for many years without moving. Sometimes God plants us in a community and He uses deep roots and longevity of relationship to work in the hearts of people around us. Other families I know have moved numerous times in the course of their ministries and God has used them in special ways “for such a time as this” at each of the churches where they have served.
I don’t know what God has in store for your family, but I do know that while God might not always move us physically, He constantly challenges our stability. Even if you have the privilege of serving in one place for your whole ministry, you might not ever feel completely comfortable or stable. I have some friends who have served at the same church in Youth Ministry for 20 years. In that time, they have had at least six Senior Pastors. Even though they have lived in the same house, there has been nothing stable about ministry life!
Ministry life is about challenge. It’s about the refining of your faith. It pushes us beyond what we thought we could handle so that we finally understand what God can handle. So as you sit among the boxes, don’t long for the comfortable. It’s in the unfamiliar where God works! I hope you grab all you can from Him on your next adventure.