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Pressured to Please

Dear DW,

I have a two year old child and a six month old baby.  I am pretty picky about who babysits them.  There’s a lady at church who keeps offering to have her daughter come over and watch the children for me.  She says she wants to give me a break and that it will be good “practice” for her daughter.  I don’t want this girl to “practice” babysitting on my kids but this lady keeps insisting.  It’s getting to where I try to avoid her in the hallways so I don’t have to talk to her.  I know that she is trying to be nice and give me a break, but I don’t think that her daughter is old enough or experienced enough to take care of two toddlers.  I feel really bad for being ungrateful for the offer.  I don’t want to hurt her feelings but I’m running out of excuses at this point.  I feel like I’m going to have to let this girl watch the kids so that this will end.

Picky Mommy

 

Dear Picky Mommy,

You are in no way obligated by mandate of ministry to allow people to practice babysitting on your children.  This does not make you ungrateful, it shows your wisdom.   These children were entrusted to you by God and just because your husband is paid by the church doesn’t mean that the church people get to do, say, or practice whatever they want on your family.  It’s good to draw clear boundaries early on when you have children in ministry.  There is no reason for you to feel bad about letting people know what is acceptable and not acceptable in regards to your household.  Do you think this lady would want you dictating how her daughter should get to school in the mornings or how she should wear her hair?  Do you think for a second that she would hesitate to tell you that you are not welcome to make those decisions for her?  Why would you let this woman decide for you who is going to babysit your kids?  You do not have to feel pressured to please everyone in the church who has some suggestion for your family no matter how noble the offer may be. 

I would encourage you to draw a strong line with this lady.  Stop making excuses; she’s not getting the subtle approach.  Kindly thank her for her offer but let her know that you are picky about who watches your kids.  If you still feel the need to spare her feelings, tell her that you already have a regular babysitter.  What would you rather do, save face or protect your children?  That pit in your stomach is not going to go away as you pull out of the driveway with the children in the care of this woman’s daughter.  Your lack of confrontation will only complicate the matter.  Stand up now.  Good grief, if you are going to have a reputation for being ungrateful or unkind, it might as well be over something that really matters like your children!

Love,

DW

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