I Know Some Things…Bad Things

Dear DW,

My children see church as their domain.  As soon as we get into the building, they pull away and run off.  Sometimes I’m not even exactly sure where they are in the church.  My dilemma is that I know some things about people in our congregation that make me apprehensive to have my children around them.  How do I protect my kids from potential predators at church without scaring them to death or breaking the confidences that I know about people? 

Too Paranoid?

 

Dear Too Paranoid,

The check in your spirit is there for a reason.  NEVER ignore it.  As Christians we too often explain off the uncomfortable feelings we have when we meet someone who seems creepy because we so desperately want to share the love of Jesus with them.   After all, Creeps need salvation too!  But Jesus himself warns us that we have been sent out as sheep among wolves.   He tells us to “be shrewd as serpents and innocent as doves”.  (Matthew 10:16)  

You have to protect your children.   I’ve never broken a confidence about a church member, but I have told my kids that I don’t want them to be around particular people without me present.  They were also taught early on that not everyone at church is a safe person.  The approach I use in our family conversations is this:

1. This is a “Ministry Conversation”.  Meaning- “Don’t tell everyone, this is confidential information!!” 
2. I tell them that I don’t want them to be alone with ______.
3. When they ask me “why not”, I tell them that they need to trust Mom and Dad because it’s our job to keep them safe.
4. When they ask, “Is _____ not safe?”  My answer is always the same.  “I don’t know.  He/She seems like a nice person, but you know that all people in the church are people with flaws.  If we didn’t have sin, we wouldn’t need Jesus.  And, we want all kinds of people with all kinds of backgrounds to be at our church.   But you know, just because a person comes to church doesn’t mean that Jesus has transformed them yet.  I don’t know where _____ is in that process and I want you to stay by me.”

It’s important to make it clear to your children that stranger danger applies to the church as well.  I give my children permission to run, scream, fight, bite, or whatever it takes to get away whether it’s in the church building or not.  They need to know that the church building is not some magical land that suddenly becomes safe when they enter the doors.

We live in a fallen world and it is ok for you to do all that you can to protect your children.  I unfortunately have known several people who had children molested at church by people who seemed very nice.  Their cautions have driven the approach I have taken with my kids.  Maybe I’m too paranoid as well… I can live with that.

Love,

DW~