The Pastor and the Princess

Dear DW-

 Some people might call me a prima donna.  Others might call me selfish.  I prefer to think of myself as a Princess.  Sometimes I want the universe to revolve around me!  There’s only one problem, I’m married to a pastor.  When we were dating, my future husband gave me a lot of attention.  We became best friends and I never wanted to be apart from him.  I guess that’s where the selfish part comes in, I miss him.  I don’t like sharing him with so many other people.  I want him all to myself.  He’s my whole universe but I feel like Pluto in his universe.  I want to be the Sun.  I want to be sitting on the throne next to him, not waiting in his court as one of his many admirers.  I want to be his Princess again.  Am I a prima donna?  Tell me the truth.  Is it wrong to be jealous of the time he shares with all those people at church?

 The Pastor and the Princess

 

Dear Princess, 

I don’t think it’s selfish to want to be your husband’s best friend, but I wonder from your letter what you thought life would be like when you married a pastor.  A part of living with a pastor is sharing his time with other people.  There’s servant hood and sacrifice involved in this calling and you are a part of that now.  That may mean not always being the center of attention. 

 HOWEVER, in my encouragement for you to share a little of your husband’s face time with other people, one thing you should never sacrifice is “relationship” with your husband.  I am sensing that relationship and quality time are suffering a bit in your situation.  Have you discussed how you feel with your husband?  He needs to know that you are feeling like you have to “request an audience” to be in his presence.  You might not always be able to be the Sun in his universe but you certainly should be closer than Pluto!  Let’s shoot for Venus or Mercury even on the busy days in ministry.  And you should always feel confident that you are his Princess even when he is not able to spend a lot of time with you. 

 What do you need from him in order to feel the intimacy and specialness that has waned in your relationship?  Have you shared your need for attention with him?  And while you are thinking this through, are you being fair?  Are your time and attention expectations realistic?  It’s imperative that you discuss this with him.  He needs to know how you are feeling. 

 It’s not selfish for a wife to want to have the best part of what her husband has to give.  It’s biblical.  Husbands should love their wives and give themselves up for her just as Christ gave Himself up for the church.  He should cherish her just as Christ cherishes the church (Ephesians 5:25-32).  Sounds like “Princess” might not be such a far reaching title for yourself!   When you feel loved, you won’t have a need to feel jealous.  Balance this Princess thing with respect for your husband and you will not be seen as a prima donna to your congregation, instead, your marriage will become a beautiful living picture of Jesus’ relationship to the church. 

 Love,

DW

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Posted on July 13, 2012, in Marriage, Time Management and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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